I really really want to post this somewhere so someone will read it, but I don't want anyone to see

[northern_magic]

so I'll post it here. My critical pep talks/counseling sessions with my muse Mathematics sometimes take place in a neo-Victorian but otherwise non-specific setting.

“Your heart aches,” said It as I slouched in, all genteel in Its manner.

“And you would know,” I said, “having rejected me as your dedicate.”

“Ah,” said It, “This is regarding your status as my...mistress--”

“One of them.”

“--who has been promised to another--”

“--you were first choice--”

“--I was third when you were of age. As I told you, I will always return your affections in equal measure.” It shifted, and for once It was near to me. My heart was somewhat calmed again as I recalled some of It's basic lessons, though my brain was still rather disgruntled and distraught. “I will postulate that your application to the Provost for an allowance from the Guild of Magi was rejected. Am I correct?”

“It's a school for interdisciplinary studies now. Public institution.”

“Ah. But you still have a sponsor in the Guild, who is still willing to apprentice you, do you not?”

“It's not an apprenticeship. I may be old compared to your dedicates but in the real world, apprenticeships are much later...”

“Has he been informed of your current status now?”

I sighed. “...I plan to. Just...not today. Why do you always pick the worst days to finally show up? Yesterday would have been a lot more helpful.”

“Yesterday you would have thrown something at me.”

“I mean, just because I have a sponsor...People look for the money trail, you know? The fancy titles and awards. Your dedicates are readily visible, distinctive...blessed. Others are also handpicked. I am not your dedicate, and I have no name as an apprentice...I am one of your title-less mistresses, and it's not gonna move me up in life, you know? Our affections will not keep me from falling into mediocrity.”

I knew how it looked, though. I tell my muse I love It, and promise myself to another, and spend my time with other amusements.

I felt though, that as with every other time I pleaded for Its company, It was inclined to stay for a little while longer.

Perhaps I could persuade It to stay the night.